It’s surprising how God gives so much, even when nothing is asked for.
For a while I have been battling with my inner demons that are constantly telling me that I am Nemo–no one. That the reason I haven’t been able to fulfill my dreams is that I don’t deserve them. I don’t even know if my best friend knows that I struggled not only with the things I had told her, but also that I often think of myself as unworthy, and that I don’t deserve to have my dreams fulfilled, that I am actually no one.
I often am overwhelmed if a friend tells me how I have impacted their life in a positive way, or that I’m a great example to them. I often find myself thinking in those situations, me? I did that, for you?
Well, now that that’s in the open, to another part. The past week, I began a journey of discovering my faith, and who I really am. It goes even further than that, it’s a discovery of why I believe what I do. Because I’ve had the whole realization that I couldn’t be anything but Catholic–and I have a ton of knowledge of WHAT we as Catholics believe, it is a journey to find out WHY I believe in these things. Right down to the gritty details. Friends of mine have already given so much to help me, a great article one of them gave me was Six-Steps to Finding God, which led to another amazing article about Humility. The humility article is great, really eye-opening. However, the furthest progress I have made on this journey, was through an unexpected way, a video explaining the inspiration behind one of my favorite songs. Coincidentally–through one of my friends’ Tumblr account. The video can be seen here.
The song–a heart-stirring, beautiful, practically indescribable song–is Beloved, by Tenth Avenue North.
I’ve thought a lot about the word Beloved ever since I heard a good friend and indirect mentor of mine, and someone I very much look up to talk about that word in a talk she gave for a Women’s breakout session this past summer.
I don’t know if I could explain what it means to be a Beloved of God, but the song does a pretty great job of it. Here is it is, Beloved–Tenth Avenue North (by the way, not my video, thank God for YouTube, really.)
Anyways, long story short. The way that God has given me so much (via my friends, which is a big pathway He often uses for me (I have a thick head, which makes it hard for me to hear Him on my own a lot of the time.)) is that He reminded me that not only do I belong to Mary–I belong to Him, and I am His Beloved.
It’s interesting, because as most of my friends would probably attest, I would give my life for Mary. But so far, she has not been a huge part of this expedition. Of course, she is there, and I belong to her, so indirectly she’s involved, but not as much as I usually like to involve her in my life.
I am not Nemo. I am not No One.
I am Beloved.