A friend of mine was comforting me tonight. I had confided in her that I had done something incredibly idiotic and stupid a few nights ago, and that I had a hard road ahead of me in overcoming some of the wounds that I carry in my heart.
As C.S. Lewis said “Anger is the fluid that love bleeds when it gets cut.”
And cut my heart had been, whether it was intentional or otherwise. I was angry. Incredibly angry, like there was this darkness inside of me, and it wanted to take over me so completely. (obviously, satan was doing some work in me) and I let him.
But the comfort that my friend gave me tonight was that she loved me. And I know she does. She will be a fantastic mother, this friend. Physically or Spiritually.
More comfort she offered me later, is that I should sleep in the arms of Mother Mary tonight, to have her hold me, hug me, stroke my hair and sing sweet songs and prayers to me while I sleep.
And I cried. I almost bawled. Because it would feel so safe to do that, and I haven’t felt safe like that in a while, loved like that in a while.
But I am.
There is another friend, someone who I love dearly, but who has caused several of those cuts in me that anger has bled out of. And I realized, I picture Mary looking like her in my mind. I don’t know why, but that’s the picture that comes to mind when I think of Mary, especially when i think of her holding me, loving me, stroking my hair and singing to me. And I think that is why I cry.
But Mary loves me. God loves me. And that is enough.
My Mother loves me, and will make me feel safe.